IN PROGRESS...
Thank heavens that I have not written the last weeks. It would have been a really depressive entrance. But much. The last week I got to be very sunk. Although thanks to the sun baths that I am occurring by the mornings I have improved enough my psychic situation. It seems incredible that something so idiot can help as much. Even so today enough I am disheartened. And this feeling is going to me to last in spite of all the sun that it wants to take. So the hour has arrived to look for blog and to relieve a little telling it to me, to see if at least him thus exempt a little pressure at the top, because today I feel that it is going to me to explode.
By the way, of the tablets it is not left anything, obvious. Clear that I continue undergoing anxiety attacks. I at least take it with more philosophy, because no longer I must add them to tens of adverse effects more caused by the tablets. To which it went... Last night it was in house of a pair of friends to whom months ago it did not see. In a while in which I remained single with them they confessed to me in relation to another one of my great friends to whom I take without seeing centuries: "We were the other day with him and its girl. You know what said when she to us fué? That you, Jackie, are the authentic woman of his life. And it really said it grieved ". It is not the first time that I am with that phrase said with sorrow. The fact of it to have yesterday heard of other two different men and know more of some than me has confessed a certain obsession by me in the last months made me feel flattered during awhile. But when I thought about thorough it desire entered to me to cry. And when I was single I did it, bitterly. I am not very safe of why, but I felt much pain when giving me account of which I am instilling so deep feelings in men to whom I want so much. Perhaps it was to discover that I, unlike them, never am this "Mr. X is the man of my life". And it would enchant to be able to say it to me, for example of my present pair (in addition that would clear many killer doubts to me of the mind to be able to do it). But it is that I really feel that I am not going to never say it, that I will never feel it. Too many intense experiences throughout my life, too many good and special men that in addition yes they say to me "You are the woman of my life", too many failures with which also they did it in the past.
Too much sorrow in my heart. Too much franqueza in my mind. Too much shrewdness in my soul. All that reason why seemed to me worthy to fight (to have a full life of special people, intense experiences, feelings of affection and love), everything, is becoming a well from moving sands. How it is possible that it is so bad decision to choose to live thus, why I have not been able to give account before me, why as much eagerness of the social guides in informing to me into the dangers of drugs, the alcohol, leading quickly and not of the dangers to love and to try to be special? Joder. I cannot be given to the women because them hatred and they envy me to me. I cannot be given to the men because I want them and I end up obsessing them without there is complete reciprocity or affecting to them too much when there is it like so that they want to return to approach "my trap". I so su'mamente feel single within this small head mine... And I feel one puta depredadora of souls.
Thank heavens that I have not written the last weeks. It would have been a really depressive entrance. But much. The last week I got to be very sunk. Although thanks to the sun baths that I am occurring by the mornings I have improved enough my psychic situation. It seems incredible that something so idiot can help as much. Even so today enough I am disheartened. And this feeling is going to me to last in spite of all the sun that it wants to take. So the hour has arrived to look for blog and to relieve a little telling it to me, to see if at least him thus exempt a little pressure at the top, because today I feel that it is going to me to explode.
By the way, of the tablets it is not left anything, obvious. Clear that I continue undergoing anxiety attacks. I at least take it with more philosophy, because no longer I must add them to tens of adverse effects more caused by the tablets. To which it went... Last night it was in house of a pair of friends to whom months ago it did not see. In a while in which I remained single with them they confessed to me in relation to another one of my great friends to whom I take without seeing centuries: "We were the other day with him and its girl. You know what said when she to us fué? That you, Jackie, are the authentic woman of his life. And it really said it grieved ". It is not the first time that I am with that phrase said with sorrow. The fact of it to have yesterday heard of other two different men and know more of some than me has confessed a certain obsession by me in the last months made me feel flattered during awhile. But when I thought about thorough it desire entered to me to cry. And when I was single I did it, bitterly. I am not very safe of why, but I felt much pain when giving me account of which I am instilling so deep feelings in men to whom I want so much. Perhaps it was to discover that I, unlike them, never am this "Mr. X is the man of my life". And it would enchant to be able to say it to me, for example of my present pair (in addition that would clear many killer doubts to me of the mind to be able to do it). But it is that I really feel that I am not going to never say it, that I will never feel it. Too many intense experiences throughout my life, too many good and special men that in addition yes they say to me "You are the woman of my life", too many failures with which also they did it in the past.
Too much sorrow in my heart. Too much franqueza in my mind. Too much shrewdness in my soul. All that reason why seemed to me worthy to fight (to have a full life of special people, intense experiences, feelings of affection and love), everything, is becoming a well from moving sands. How it is possible that it is so bad decision to choose to live thus, why I have not been able to give account before me, why as much eagerness of the social guides in informing to me into the dangers of drugs, the alcohol, leading quickly and not of the dangers to love and to try to be special? Joder. I cannot be given to the women because them hatred and they envy me to me. I cannot be given to the men because I want them and I end up obsessing them without there is complete reciprocity or affecting to them too much when there is it like so that they want to return to approach "my trap". I so su'mamente feel single within this small head mine... And I feel one puta depredadora of souls.
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